dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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