Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
