we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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