These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
