I should be sponsored by Trojan
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
