just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
