We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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