You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
