I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
