I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love having hate sex.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
