You're my little dorito
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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