i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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