After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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