they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
