I CAN MOONWALK!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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