i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
