I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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