So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
