My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
