i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
