thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
