He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
