That's intense
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
