Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will pee on everything he values.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
