So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
