That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
