Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
