We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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