I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Watching her eat just hurts me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
