i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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