I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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