In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
