I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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