dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
