i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do vagina's smell?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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