I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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