Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
