Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
