so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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