the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
