I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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