Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
