Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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