Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
