; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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