We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
