I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
