"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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