drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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