What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
