come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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