So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
