Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
