he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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