if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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