How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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